Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Domestic discipline without corporal punishment?

Dan at poses a question to all his readers each week about their Female led relationships and their DD regimes.

A recent question asked: Would you still be into the idea of a Female-Led domestic discipline relationship if it did not involve spanking?

He wondered how we might react if the spanking aspect were wholly removed and it was, instead, just about living under someone else's direction or control? 

And he also asked our disciplinary wives/partners, if the spanking element of the DD relationship was a necessary part of it for them - or would they be okay with the relationship if they still got to exercise but spanking was not part of the picture?

I thought the questions were very pertinent and the answers would reveal a lot about our true feelings about being in a Female led relationship.

My response to Dan was that I’d like to think I’d accept Mistress’ direction whether she used corporal punishment or not in our FLR but, in all honesty I’m not sure if that would ever happen.

Of course if I was a true submissive and served Mistress 24/7, punishment would not come into it – because be definition I should devote myself 100% to Mistress. But to err, is human.

I explained to Dan that whenever we have a discussion about how our FLR is progressing I always say that Mistress has the authority to run the house as she sees fit.

However I said that I can’t really see her ever not resorting to her cane to discipline me.

I said this for several reasons. The first is that she actually enjoys correcting the error of my ways and seeing me suffer for my failings. Not in a nasty sadistic way – but in a way that it my suffering atones for upsetting her or disappointing her.

and in suffering she enjoys the effect of ‘mothering’ me as she calls it – taking care of my needs and caring from me in my suffering.

Secondly we’ve both realize some time ago that corporal punishment is such an effective way of clearing the air – and is one of the reasons she was so keen to use it in the first place because she could appreciate the effect it had on me (to bring me back in line to accept her authority) and also the effect she felt in disciplining me.

And thirdly, Mistress started caning me because she knew I had a ‘need’ to feel the cane from time to time. At first it was playful, but as Mistress become more adept with the cane, and grew with confidence in her authoritarian role, she began to see the benefits of the cane as an instrument for correction of real issues. I was the one who suggest a DD regime – but it was her who fully embraced it and generally administers her discipline with great gusto. 

My conclusion was that our DD regime is likely to remain in place - but if Mistress suddenly decided to hang up her cane for good, would I have any say? That would be very unlikely.

Then I asked Mistress for her thoughts. “From past experience we both know domestic discipline without the ultimate sanction of corporal punihsment won’t work,” she said. “You just don’t respond in the right way without it and need a good dose of the cane to remind you who is boss.

“I’ve accepted you are just not a very good submissive. You just play at it and without the regular corporal punishment, I don’t think our DD would last five minutes.

“If you were a true submissive and really wanted to please me, you would be much more attentive to my needs. But that’s not you.

“Without DD our relationship would be very ordinary and I can see when things are lax in the discipline department, how you gradually become more and more overbearing and lazy, totally forgetting your place. So I would be the loser in the relationship. That’s not going to happen. I like having you just where you are.

“But I think we can improve your attitude considerably yet with the training we have. If not, then you will always have a sore bottom because I’m not about to hang up my cane!”

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

The cane before breakfast

If there’s anything worse than being caned, it’s being caned first thing in the morning.

One minute you’re snuggled up cosy in bed next to Mistress, discussing our FLR regime, the next minute she’s turned on you and said: “What did I tell you about dribbling on me? Go and get the cane. Now!”

You roll out of bed, struggle to stand upright and get your balance. Your eyes are all bleary, your mouth is dry and aching for a resuscitating coffee - but your heart now is racing.

You unlock the wardrobe door and the sickly sweet aroma of stored pvc and rubber clothing hits you, offering a small antidote of pleasure to the pain you are about to endure.

You extract two canes , one thick, one thin, from the rack and return to the bedroom, head bowed, awaiting the inevitable.

By now, Mistress is out of bed, still naked, but eagerly holding her hand out to receive the canes. As you offer them, red handles first, she tells you to lay face down on the dense foam fitness roller she bought, especially for raising my bottom off the bed.

“First of all, I told you not to thrust that thing against my thigh. But you went ahead and continued to do it and dribbled all over me. But that’s only a minor thing. You general attitude these last few days has been disgusting. You want a Female Led Relationship? Then it’s time you remembered that you show respect all day, every day. Just because I don’t happen to be behaving in an authoritarian manner every minute doesn’t give you the right to slacken off.”

“Yes Mistress.”

It goes quiet for a split second before the cane lashes down. She’s using the thin cane with some force. You count a dozen in your head but they keep coming and you’ve got hold of the duvet cover so tight, your hands ache. But nowhere near as badly as your bottom.

She changes canes and the thick cane really starts to pack a wallop that gets involuntary yells from you as the furious strokes come faster and faster until they reach a crescendo.

“Downstairs now. Make my breakfast.”

You waste no time in jumping off the bed, fearful of earning more strokes. Pull on your plastic pants – the cool pvc is a delight against the burning hot flesh - then scurry downstairs to prepare breakfast. Your bottom is on fire but at least it’s over now. Or so you think.

Mistress, now dressed comes into the kitchen with the thin cane. She obviously catches the moment on your face of despair as you see the thin rod flexing between her fingers. She smiles – but it’s a knowing smile that she has the upper hand of power.

“Front room, over the leather stool.”

You do as directed, pulling your plastic pants back down to offer the target area. And then it starts again.

This time it’s not your bottom getting it. Stroke after stroke whips into the sit spot at the top of your thighs. After 12 you start pleading but she gives you 18. All of them in a band of about two inches of flesh. And then it’s over.

You’re told to stand and face her. Your shaking still. And sweating. She looks stern but as lovely as ever as she recites the chores for the day. You kneel and kiss her heels as instructed and then she’s gone out the door for her business appointment.

It’s one of those days where Mistress knows everyone of those chores – and more – will be done by the time she gets back tonight. Risking another session with her cane, on top of what you’ve just had is something you will desperately try to avoid at all costs.

Saturday, 28 June 2014

The ethics of postponing punishment

The unthinkable happened on Friday morning. I got angry and raised my voice to Mistress. We were discussing something quite trivial but I felt that Mistress was having a go at my attitude and instead of quietly accepting what she was saying, something in me snapped and I didn’t just answer back, I raised my voice - not far off shouting.

Mistress was a bit taken aback and told me to be quiet but I carried on and was then told in no uncertain that I was behaving like a spoiled child – which I was. At that point I shut up.

Circumstances meant that Mistress had to leave for a business appointment almost straight after our ‘row. But during the day she text me to apologise for winding me up, saying that she was under a lot of pressure from work etc.

I replied immediately with my apology, saying it was all my own fault, acting, as she said, like a spoiled child and that the only plus from the whole situation was that we had a good mechanism (in our DD regime) to deal with such instances.

I assumed that would set things straight and I’d be dealt with later – as I deserved.

I felt miserable all day, not because of the consequences of my actions but the simple fact that I’d caused a row and upset Mistress.

That evening Mistress arrived home in the kind of mood that suggests to me I am in trouble. She was talking but very curt in her replies so I feared the worst – but, as I said before, only what I deserved. But no sooner had we exchanged pleasantries about our respective days when visitors arrived – and stayed until late.

When we finally got to bed, Mistress said, “you should consider yourself lucky, you were due a good caning tonight for what happened earlier to day.”

“Yes Mistress, I’m really sorry about the way I behaved. Something just snapped inside. I didn’t mean to shout at you.”

Mistress, after a hard day’s work turned over and went to sleep while I lie there thinking about the whole issue – and wishing that we would have had time to wipe the slate clean immediately. We kissed and cuddled but I think we both knew the issue hadn’t been dealt with in the manner we both expect from our DD regime.

This morning Mistress was up and out early, off on a shopping trip with one of her girlie friends, having left me a list of chores. This evening we are out with friends so I doubt the matter from Friday morning will be dealt with and will just be forgotten.

I don’t want to suffer a real punishment caning but this is one occasion where I feel it is absolutely necessary – and it’s issues like this, where I really have behaved in a very bad way and not been punished, that it makes it feel like our DD regime is just a game.

But if we are in a true FLR, my thoughts are that the issue should be dealt with in the manner we have determined to regulate our relationship, in other words, by strict disciplinary measures.

I feel there is something of an onus in this particular situation on me to ask Mistress to punish me. 

Although part of me also feels that Mistress is the one who should determine when and how any issues are dealt with. So I’ve been playing both off in my head and now need to ask advice.

I wonder what others of you think about the situation? Does this ever happen in your FLR? If so, how do you deal with it? Do you, as a submissive male, request punishment when you know it is deserved and your Lady have overlooked it? Is that the right way forward in a FLR? Or do you simply let matters take their course and leave it up to your Lady to determine your fate?

Also, I’d like to ask the Ladies who control their men, how they would react to a ‘request for punishment? And I’d also like to ask if it’s acceptable, given the circumstances I’d described, whether punishment can be meaningful if it is postponed more than a day or two after an offence?

I await your replies with interest.  

Thursday, 26 June 2014

Strict Mistress

There’s no messing around with Mistress at the moment. She’s in a determined mood to stamp her authority back on our relationship and has warned me that I can expect instant disciplinary measures in future.

I hope she meant, ‘immediate future’ because it’s going to be a painful road ahead for me if she means otherwise.

As it is I’ve been caned twice today already. I waited in bed while Mistress showered this morning, only because we only have one bathroom and I felt I’d need to use the loo as soon as I jumped out of bed.

No excuse. She discovered me still in bed when she came back into the room, turned around and came back with the thick Dragon cane.

“I told you to get up,” she said, disturbing the air with some practice swishes with the cane. It’s not so much of a swish, as a whoosh with the thicker of our two Dragons. And it’s a sound that puts the dread in me.

I tried to argue, thought better of it and rolled onto my tummy as ordered.

After a dozen horribly thudding strokes from the thick cane, I literally jumped off the bed when told to get up and prepare breakfast.

A couple of hours later I was in my office when Mistress stormed into the office and told me to get changed to go out. She caught me off-guard and I stupidly asked “why?” My brain hadn’t even engaged gear to come with a less confrontational comment and I rued that mistake.

"Go to the bedroom and strip!"

As I went to the bedroom, Mistress went to the spare room so I knew I was going to be caned again.
This time she came armed with the thick black Delrin cane – a real brute.

Her face was black as thunder when she said: “And why and I going to cane you now?”

“Because I questioned you Mistress.”

“Exactly. I sometimes wonder if you deliberately break the rules or are simply stupid.”

I got another dozen, really fast but really hard strokes. And I failed to keep position for the last four.

When she’d finished I was ordered to stand up. We were just inches apart and making direct eye contact. I could feel her warm breath on my face and wanted to kiss her full lips -  but I could see there was no relaxing of her stern demeanor.

“This is how it’s going to be from now on,” she said. “Any time you displease me you will be caned. No exceptions. We’re not going to have any set time or day for punishment. It’s a waste of time because by the time we get around to it, the reason for the punishment is gone. This is all about correcting your faults that have been allowed to go unpunished for far too long. So I suggest you start behaving otherwise your bottom is going to get very sore, very quickly.”

“Yes Mistress.”

“Now go and get changed to go out.”

I scurried off and did as ordered. Mistress was on the drive waiting for me when I rushed downstairs and had a beaming smile as I locked the front door.

“Come on darling, I’m really hungry,” she said and held out her hand for me to hold as we set off walking.

It was like the past few minutes of punishment had never happened. If any of the neighbours had been watching they would have seen a loving couple going out for lunch – which of course we are. Little did they know, just how strict a disciplinarian this Lady can be – or how much my poor striped bottom was throbbing!

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Morning discipline

Mistress and I were in a café yesterday, grabbing a late lunch. The Lady of the establishment served us. Usually it’s her husband and we have a bit of banter but today he was nowhere to be seen. 

Our coffees arrived very quickly, followed by lunch – a much quicker service than we’d normally expect in this particular café. Mistress said, “There’s no messing around when she’s serving. She’s very strict.”

Hmm,” I mused aloud. “Do you think she is really strict.”

Mistress gave me a disdainful look. “Don’t start that line of thinking now. You’ve shown no interest in that side of our relationship in weeks.”

It’s true to a certain extent but then Mistress hasn’t either.

“Well you have the authority to make it happen,” I ventured.

“But each time I do, you don’t want to know,” Mistress responded.

The matter was dropped there and then but I thought Mistress might mention it once we got home but there was nothing.

Our DD regime, FLR, call it what you will, has been on hold for some time, hence the lack of posts. If you read this blog with any regularity you will know it ebbs and flows as often as the tide but it never entirely disappears and each time it’s revived it seems to be with added intensity.

I’ve been determined not to be the one to try and revive it –because I think if it’s something Mistress really wants then she has the authority to do as she sees fit.

But each time I’ve wilted and steered the conversation to a discussing about DD and then things take off again for a few weeks, months even.

So this morning in bed I broached the subject. “After our discussion yesterday, do you think we do anything about picking up our FLR again, Mistress – or should we write it off for good?’

Without considering the question, Mistress said, “I think we should bring back weekly maintenance punishment for a start.”

That took me aback, since it was Mistress who dropped it last time. I said, “If that’s what you wish,’ but also mentioned the fact that it didn’t work before.

“Only because you made such a fuss and came up with so many excuses.”

That was true. We had dropped maintenance in favour of punishment as and when it was deemed necessary.

I didn’t think it would work but while we were both committed to our FLR I thought it worked well – even if I did struggle with the harsh discipline side of it.

No more was said. We got up. I went downstairs to do some washing up that I’d not done the previous evening (when we last had a DD regime working I wouldn’t have dared have left chores not done) and just as I was finishing Mistress said, “Can you come up her. Now!”

“Fetch the cane and lay face down on the bed.”

I must admit I was taken aback. I thought we might have discussion later in the day and move on from there but Mistress clearly had other ideas.

I picked the Senior School crook-handled cane, thinking I might be able to take a few quick cuts with that with a bit more fortitude than the thin dragon.

Mistress didn’t hold back though.

I wasn’t counting but I think I got about 12 when she stopped and went to the room next door. I glanced from my face down position on the bed to see here giving the thin Dragon cane a few practice swishes.

“This is more like it,” she said, when she realized I’d looked up.

I felt sick at the prospect but I felt a lot more like being sick as she laid on another dozen – or so.

I was reminded from the very first stroke that the Dragon cane has so much more venom than normal school cane.

Between strokes she asked my why I was being caned and I said: “Because I’ve been lazy Mistress.”


“Because I’ve been disrespectful Mistress.”


“Because I’ve failed to do my chores Mistress.”

Each question and answer was followed by a cane stroke – and if I didn’t answer quickly enough I got another stroke anyway.

“What are the three key rules to our relationship?”

“Mistress is always right”



“Never say no to Mistress.”



“Never argue with Mistress.


“What are the three rules?”

I recited them quickly and get three more in quick succession.

I made a big fuss, writhing around a lot. Mistress pointed out I was being a wimp and she wasn’t laying the cane on anywhere near as hard as she had when out FLR was at it’s heights a few weeks earlier. To prove a point she lashed down with all her might and said: “Do you believe me now?”

I wimpered that I did.

Once my punishment was completed (was it 12 strokes or  maybe 18? I have no idea but you can see the effect in the first image) I was handed the cane to put back in the wardrobe and we were about to go down to breakfast I asked Mistress if she would be kind enough to take a couple of photos of the stripes, so I could post them on the blog.

She took the pictures but suddenly said; “No I’m not having this. All the stripes are one-sided, black and blue on the left. We’ll have to level them up. Go and fetch the cane again.

I cringed by did as I was told and laid on the bed, the other way round so Mistress could whack my right buttock cheek with some vigour – and directed some of them on the tops of my thighs this time (second image). Then it was over and I was told to get up and put the canes away again.

I’m not sure when they’ll come out again but if Mistress’ mood is any guide I've got a feeling  we’ll be re-acquainted properly over the next few days.