Friday, 19 December 2014

Birthday celebration?

Although my birthday is not until early next week, the scene is set for the ‘special’ present after Mistress asked me to remind her of my fantasy last night.

“Birthday beatings seem popular,” I ventured, “One stroke for every year seems to be the way. That’s what I’d like to experience. But rather than a straightforward punishment session, I’d like to spend the entire evening in PVC like we used to do – lots of kissing and cuddling, with a little bit of CP.”

There was a time before DD that we used to spend entire evenings, some times entire weekends in PVC of rubber outfits, interspersed with mild doses of corporal punishment. But since we adopted the DD regime, the only ‘dressing up’ is my in my housecoat and pants. Mistress had gone off the idea of cat suits and raincoats because ‘they’re not comfortable things to wear around the house all the time,’ she once said. But she wasn’t even considering the clothing at this point.

“Hmmm,” she said with a worried look. “You can’t even take 36 strokes without a fuss. Sixty is going to be impossible.”

“Not if I’m secured Mistress. I’ll have no choice.”

Mistress looked at me disdainfully. “Very well, if that’s your wish. You will take all 60 strokes though, five batches of 12, and it’ll be just any normal punishment session so that means the Dragon canes. It will hurt. I promise you that much. If I’m going to use the cane, it’s going to be used properly. Are you sure it’s what you want?”

I didn’t need to think about it. “Yes please Mistress.”

I know it’s one of those things that might seem like a good idea at the time – especially when you are in a world of fantasy. But it’s also something I’ve thought about for some time – a great way to celebrate what hopefully might be a new era. Any of you reading this blog on a regular basis with be wondering how I could contemplate such a beating after all the turbulent times I’ve been through with DD recently. I don’t understand either.

It started as a fantasy which I never thought could happen but since mentioning it to Mistress, she seems to have embraced the idea and, while she won’t admit it, she seems to be looking forward to thrashing me. Much more than I anticipated.

My heart was now racing at the thought of it becoming reality – how the evening might pan out, but I was quickly brought back to earth with a bump.

“Of course, this birthday present doesn’t affect any domestic disciplinary matters. You understand that? I shall still expect your very best behavior and even though your bottom is going to be quite heavily marked, don’t think that will save you from further punishment in the days leading up to the holiday period, should you step out of line.”

“I understand Mistress. Thank you.”

Once again, the masochist’s charter, ‘be careful what you wish for,’ seemed to haunt me.  But it’s too late to turn back now.

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

“Please Mistress, will you cane me?”

As you know, there’s been a distinct lack of discipline in our house for some time. Both of us have been so busy with work that our homelife has consisted of little else but making sure we’re eaten meals and getting sleep.

This past weekend has been the first time in a few months where we’ve spent two complete days together, a time for relaxation. We caught up on lots of things and one aspect we discussed was our DD regime – and how to get it back on track. We both agreed that even if there was no reason to discipline me for breaking any rules, we both might benefit from regular disciplinary methods in the short term, to help relieve the stress in our lives.

I’ve been through some difficult times trying to decide if I can cope with DD 24/7 but it’s pretty obvious that our relationship benefits from it - and Mistress wasn’t contemplating giving it up. It’s been difficult for us both to commit to the kind of commitment it takes from both sides to keep it working effectively.

We touched on the subject several times over the weekend, but were also busy catching up so many other aspects of home life that there still wasn’t the time to focus on what it would take to return to our once strict atmosphere.

However, all the talk made me realise that DD is as important to Mistress as it is to me so the sooner we can get back on the track the better.

We decided the Christmas holiday would be a good time to ‘re-focus’ but on Sunday evening but I still had nagging doubts about regular discipline. It had been several months since my last appointment with the cane and it wasn’t a pleasant experience – and neither had been several appointments before that.

Before we both agreed to resume DD I needed to know whether I could actually cope with Mistress’s methods of maintaining discipline and decided to take the bull by the horns.

I don’t know if there was something in the fact that I’d been relaxing in PVC pyjamas all evening and that had somehow triggered my submissive side but I went into the bedroom to speak to Mistress who was already in bed, reading.

“Mistress,” I said, immediately announcing my submissive intentions, “please would you cane me before we settle down tonight? We’ve talked about resuming our regime but I need to know if I can still cope with your punishment. It only need be six strokes, just to remind me what I might be getting myself into.”

Was this topping from the bottom? I don’t think so because for several months now, we’ve not even had any kind of hierarchy in the relationship. It’s been pure vanilla.

Anyway, Mistress stared into my eyes, then looked up and down my betwime ‘uniform.’ I squirmed in embarrassment.

“Go and fetch the cane,” she commanded, sliding out of bed and putting her dressing gown on.

I quickly did as I was told, my heart racing and I went to the cane cupboard in the spare bedroom. I was tempted to go for the school cane, the least painful of our canes – but my hand pulled out the thin Dragon – the most painful weapon of discipline in our collection.

Why did I do that? After all my inner questions about being able to cope I still opted for the most painful proposition. I’d suggest that my ‘need’ to feel the cane, still outweighs the ever-present underlying fear of corporal punishment.

Mistress took the cane out of my hand and tapped it on the bed. ‘Face down, bottom up,” she said and quickly slashed me six times, from the right side.

I managed to surpress any noise – which surprised me as much as it did Mistress – and I was about to get up, think we’d done the necessary.

“Stay still,” she snapped, as I realized she was walking around to the other side of the bedroom.

I felt the cane tap my bottom again and braced myself. Another six from the left side. Again, taken in silence.

Silence maybe but I was under no illusion that this was only 12 strokes, where regular discipline had previously been 36. Even so, the stinging strokes still had squirming around. It was the painful experience I knew only too well.

“Now you can get up. Put the cane away and come to bed.”

I did as I was told and snuggled up in bed with Mistress.

“Do you feel better now?”

“Yes thank you Mistress. Thank you for caning me.”

“I thought I had better not be too harsh with you so I wasn’t caning you full strength. But I take it this is your acceptance to a return to our regime?”

My heart dropped when she said she'd been treating my lightly.

“Yes Mistress. Thank you,” I said, but realized the gravity of the situation. I could now expect to be corrected at any time and the next time I would feel the cane would doubtless be a very different experience.

How would I feel about that? Right now I’m happy we’ve moved on and I’m happy that Mistress is clearly relishing the opportunity to ‘take command’ again. Being caned is a small price to pay for having a little bit extra zest in our relationship. I wonder if I’ll still feel like that after a few doses of her discipline?

*I think I might find out much sooner than later. Some time ago I told Mistress a special fantasy fetish day would be a great way to celebrate a really landmark birthday I am due. I’d almost given up on the idea but out of the blue Mistress mentioned it at the weekend. The fantasy of course included the cane. I’ll let you know if it happens... 

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Reflections of the cane

Well, I hate to disappoint you all, but it didn’t happen. I wasn’t punished last night after all. Mistress was delayed so she got home late and by the time she did, it was late and she just wanted me to serve her dinner and then relax after a hard day of work.

She even apologized for not having the energy to discipline me.

I understood and was relieved I avoided the cane yet again. But with relief came a tinge of disappointed. As I said, I still don’t know if I can face going back to regular discipline and the thought of being secured for a thrashing fills me with dread. But I had done my best to prepare myself for the worst. Can you understand my bitter sweet feelings?

This morning, after Mistress leaves for work I go to face my demons – or more specifically, to look in the cane cupboard. I need to try and embrace my lost willingness to accept discipline.

I get dress in my baggy PVC punishment pants, my longest PVC mackintosh and shiny boots. The feel of the pants and the sweet musty odour of the mackintosh stimulate my senses.

I pull the two Dragon canes from the umbrella stand that resides within, locked away in the wardrobe. One is thick and offers a deep thuddy feel. I run my fingers over the soft texture of the leopard-skin handle that Mistress so loves to grip. It’s a stark contrast to the thick, unyielding rattan cane, beautifully sanded smooth, it’s varnish bearing a multitude of hairline cracks where the rod has flexed so much over the years of use.

I forcefully disturb the air with its whooshing sound. I wince at the impact such a full-blooded stroke would have on my bottom. The  deep, thudding sensation that builds from a narrow line of impact into a bruising sting across my entire buttocks.  I shudder at the thought.  I pause to think how many strokes of this rod has been applied to my bottom over the years. It must be in the hundreds.

I look at the thin Dragon. My nemesis. This is the cane that, with Mistress’ help, has tipped me over the edge. It’s shorter than the thicker Dragon cane and so innocuous to look at. I pick it up. It’s so light but just flexing it’s shaft reveals just how whippy it can be. You wouldn’t think such a lightweight rod of rattan could evoke such a powerful effect on an adult.

I slice this through the air and the high-pitched thwip sound makes my stomach churn. I know  this sound so well. And I know what 36 strokes feel like. That intense burning sting that focuses on that thin line of impact and just builds and builds with burning agony. You wouldn’t think such a lightweight rod of rattan could bring an adult like me to the point of tears.

I put the cane back on the table and stare at the two rods of torture. I sit and think of how I got to this moment in time.

My years of fascination with corporal punishment, tied up with my schoolboy fear of the cane.  How my fear turned to fetish and a need to experience the cane.

I think of how Mistress has embraced my strange ways and embellished it to the point that it became a desire in her to punish me.

I think how my fetish has turned back in to fear – that same fear of the cane I felt at school.  And I realize that no matter how much I may fight it I am going to continue to feel it’s disciplinary sting. It’s something Mistress has decreed. And she knows, that deep down inside of me, there still exists a need in me to experience its devastatingly delightful dsicplinary effect.

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Mistress takes charge

Mistress has been determined to cane me for a couple of weeks now. I managed to escape last week after going down with a stomach bug but even when I was ill she reminded me that there would be no escape.

All weekend I managed to dodge the inevitable thanks to ‘outside forces.’

Mistress promised I would get it yesterday but she was home very late and, as we went to bed, she said: “ Well you got out of it again didn’t you? No more. Eight pm tomorrow evening. I want you ready for punishment when I get home.”

It’s been so long since I felt the cane that I’m not sure I can face gong back over the bench.

Each time the threat builds, I feel sick inside and always end up with a tummy ache. I know what to expect from Mistress now and the fear exceeds the thrill – even for a lifelong CP enthusiast like me.
I tell myself it’s something I need but it makes no difference. The thought of the pain just overwhelms me and I’m not sure I can do this any more.

But Mistress won’t accept my protestations.

“You wanted this and you said you needed me to take charge so tomorrow I’m going to punish you. And perhaps we can get you back in line again.”

I explained my feelings and said I wasn’t sure I wanted to live under the threat of punishment.

“You don’t understand do you? You need to be punished. I can see that in you, even if you are not ‘in the mood for it’ right now. There’s just too much tension in your life. You’ve become snappy – at me as well as in general. I think a good dose of the cane is what you need and I intend to see you get it. You will thank me for it afterwards when you feel a lot calmer.”

I tried to explain that I feel quite emotional right now with various things happening in both our lives and my fear is that, along with the fuss I make when I’m caned now, my emotions might become too much and leave me in a flood of tears.  I asked Mistress how she would feel if she saw me like this.
“It won’t make any difference,” she said coldly. 

“You need to be caned and once we’ve crossed that hurdle, then we can work on the pledge. Remember that?  No you obviously don’t. Well it’s time you did because I’ve not been happy for some time with your attitude. The pledge says you will serve me, obey me. It’s almost like out relationship has been turned around and you’re the one trying to take control. So we need to sort things out.” 

Monday, 6 October 2014

The Pledge document

You may recall that in the last blog update I was required by Mistress to draw up a Pledge to her. Once agreed and signed this is the last chance to make me more complaint with Mistress’ rules. If I don’t stick to it as we have agreed, Mistress will no longer entertain the idea of DD in the house because it is unworkable without my compliance.

The delay in finalizing the Pledge is down purely to outside work-related influences (not all on my side I must add).

However, we have discussed the fine detail and Mistress is happy with the content. It’s now down to giving them the final once over together and signing them in the presence of each other. Then there really is no going back.


My Darling Mistress,

I pledge my submission to your authority

I pledge never to say no to any request you make

I pledge to accept that your direction is always right

I pledge that I will never question you

I pledge to serve you and obey your instructions to the best of my ability

I pledge to refer to you as ‘Mistress’ at all times, except in public settings where such behavior would attract undue attention

I pledge to maintain a submissive demeanor at all times, except in public settings where such behavior would attract undue attention

I pledge to accept any punishment - corporal or other - in full, without question or complaint

I pledge to reserve the right to cry, scream, whimper or beg during punishment but accept this will not affect nor stop said punishment

I pledge I will never try to pressure you or control you in our DD relationship

I pledge not to orgasm without your permission

I pledge to always ask permission for any personal leisure time activity.

I pledge to show you respect at all times and treat our DD relationship with total commitment and consistency

I pledge to respect this document to the best of my ability

Yours always, and with love


*These pledges are made in good faith and with good intention to live by them but they are also made in the knowledge that outside influences may prevent 100% commitment at certain times